I haven’t written anything here in a while.
Its been too long since I’ve shared myself with you.
My heart is heavy.
At this moment, I know EXACTLY what I want and where I want to be, but the reality of it is… I can’t move. I’m stuck.
How and Where?
I’m stuck in my own reality…
I’m stuck in a place where I have love for the person that I’m with but I am f a l l i n g for the affections of someone else.
I don’t know how I got here.
How did I allow myself to be in this predicament?
Why did I open my heart to someone else without first removing myself from the situation that I am in?
I can’t answer those questions… I’ll leave them for the universe.
What I will say is this.
I love him.
He is who I belong with.
By being with someone only out of fear I am ultimately hindering the chance of either of us being with the (people) with whom we belong.
and Life is TOO short.
Is it time for me to move on?
Has this cycle of my life ended?
Have I left an impression?
I am NOT finished.
It is… It has… and I will…
If you have never been here, you probably won’t understand. You’ll most likely say I’m wrong for feeling this way, but am I? Am I wrong for wanting to follow my HEART, or am I wrong for caring about his feelings and not wanting to see him hurt? Where in this scenario did I start going wrong? Was it when I realized that MY happiness is just as important as those around me?
Women aren’t allowed to care about THEMSELVES… It is normal for a mother, wife, friend, confidant, maid, nurse, chef, beautician, barber,preacher, teacher, taxi, coach to care for EVERY.ONE.ELSE., but what happens when she starts to care for herself as well? What if she follows HER heart?
Will I be frowned upon? Probably…
Will people talk about me behind my back? They already do…
but will I be HAPPY? … I think so… and right now, that is most important to me!
I am a mother and being unhappy is not an option. I will not sacrifice my happiness for that of another person anymore. I will be the person that I want my children to grow up and be. I will live MY life, and I will regret not a thing. I will follow my dreams. My heart. The light. The warmth. and I will be Happy.