Diary of a TODDLER Drama Queen!! >_<

M.I.C.K.E.Y M.O.U.S.E <== (means bed time)

She does NOT wanna go to bed…

I’ve been playing around with editing and wanted to share my little project…



So they say we’re C U R S E D…

Its been said that the women in MY family… are CURSED… O_o

They say our relationships are destined to failure… but Im not settling for that!!!


I think I’ve figured out what they consider a “curse” but I consider more of a frame of mind… a way of thinking, per se’!

We… (the women in my family) are/were all destined for greatness (as Im sure you all feel  about YOUR families… I hope) but we have been known to let L O V E get in the way of our destinies… cloud our judgement, I’d say. Its time for all of that to stop… the buck stops HERE!!

When looking for love, we’ve come across THAT man… THE man we used to dream about when we were in highschool. You know… the Doctor… the Lawyer… the “Rapper” etc. (*giggles* everyone had their OWN dreams) but upon meeting THE man of our dreams… he turned out to be ARROGANT… DEMANDING… and CONDESCENDING (to no end… UGH) and not to mention a LIAR, a CHEATER & a SCUM BAG. *eye roll*

So of course being the “strong willed” BITCHES that we are… that.shit.did.not.last!!! (for any of us) S M H… go figure!

and we’ve all ended up with REGULAR ass men (at some point)… (which is a beautiful thing… aint shit wrong with a down to earth… regular ass dude) who goes to work… and provides for his family…

 but there is this ONE thing!!

NOW… they all seem to think WE’RE too good for them, or THEY are not good enough for US (because, they’re either not established enough financially where they feel like they can take care of us the way we want/need to be taken care of OR they’re afraid they’re DICKS aren’t big enough to satisfy us sexually… *shrugs*) 

and in turn they end up smothering us to death and/or treating us like we’re CONSTANTLY looking for someone BETTER!!! S M H…

NO… WE’RE NOT (YET)… WE BEEN THERE… DONE THAT and all that other shit sounds like a PERSONAL PROBLEM to me!!!!


This shit gets SO FUCKING OLD…

Why the fuck is it so hard to find a man with as much confidence as me, who is as SECURE as I am, withOUT them being OVERBEARING… ARROGANT… CONDESCENDING… CONTROLLING… JEALOUS… CONTRADICTORY… HYPOCRITICAL… JUDGEMENTAL… CHILDISH… INCONSIDERATE… J E R K S?!?!?!?

Why is it so hard to find someone WITHOUT these fine qualities?????

They’re either too much of EVERYTHING or not e-fucking-nough of ANYTHING!!!!!!


*breathes deep*

Ok… upon starting this post, I thought I had a solution for this predicament we keep finding ourselves in… but upon ENDING this post, I’ve realized that I DON’T!!!


Sometimes I just feel like I need guidance… S M H!

I WANT to have love… but I also WANT to have myself… I don’t LIKE losing myself in love… I don’t want to be that girl that’s watching the clock everytime I step out, to make sure I don’t stay out too late, because my man is gonna think Im cheating. I don’t want to be that girl that loses all her friends because “she got a man now”. I don’t LIKE that chick… and that chick AIN’T me!!!!!!

Help. . . 😦


I know its been a while… and I have honestly been trying to post for WEEKS now… I keep sitting in front of the computer, writing, editing, and DELETING!!!

For some reason, lately I’ve been feeling reserved (to a certain extent) I have been questioning myself and feeling “unsure” of myself and not really wanting to SHARE… Well, I won’t say I didn’t WANT to share, because I did… I was worried about being accepted (I guess), and u know thats REALLY not like me!! *sighs*

but I’ve been questioning everything about myself…

my life, my writing style, the things I say, and do… The people I associate with, the decisions I make, the clothes I wear, the way I style my hair, the way I raise my children, the house I live in, the church I attend, the job I have, the man I love, my deep throat, my hip stroke, my body type, my shoe selection… EVERYTHING… I’ve been questioning EVERYTHING!! SMH… I guess as a woman, we all go thru these phases in life (over and over again) and THIS… is one of dem times for me!!

Emotional… does not BEGIN to describe the way I feel, and this is my EMOTIONAL OUTLET


 ~YESTERDAY… while having a conversation with a few friends on Facebook… (I’m not even gonna get INTO what the conversation was about… SMH) I was expressing myself (as I always do) No lubricant… No sugarcoating… No caramel drizzle and OF COURSE, I was told that Im MEAN, and TACTLESS (Oh NO he diiiidnnn’t!!!)

Why? You may ask… because I don’t know HOW to express myself without showing MY true emotion (Im assuming) *shrugs*

I was told that I need to learn how to tell people the truth WITHOUT hurting their feelings, or WITHOUT being “mean”… and if I can’t think of a way to say it WITHOUT being mean… I shouldn’t say it at all!!!

This raised quesitons in MY brain… but like I said… I’ve been BEYOND emotional lately so maybe I’m overreacting…

but this made me question this persons ability to be HONEST… 1.) with HIMSELF… and 2.) with ME and EVERYONE ELSE!

How is it possible that you call yourself being “Honest” with me, but if you can’t find a “NICE” way to say something than you just DON’T TELL ME? WHAT THE FUCK

Let me just tell you NOW… any of you… any of my “READERS”… If you feel like I need to know something about myself, but you can’t find a “NICE” way to say… PLEEEEASE… PLEEEASE… tell me anyway!! PLEASE…

Anyway, like I was saying… THIS didn’t shine a good light on this person for me, THAT statement made me believe (in my head… but like I said, Im emotional) that HE IS A LIAR!! Not neccessarily meaning he will straight out LIE to me… but he is a LIAR BY OMISSION, and a LIAR is a LIAR is a LIAR in my book, and as my MOM always said “I HATE A LIAR!!!” >_< *squirms at the thought of my mother saying it* ::shivers::

I personally don’t believe I should be asked to “censor” myself to accomodate EVERYONE else… WHAT ABOUT ME? Who’s gonna speak for ME, who’s gonna SAY ALL THE THINGS I WANNA SAY, who’s gonna ASK THE QUESTIONS THAT I WANNA ASK?!?!



Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you, so I can hopefully get some feedback on whether or not Im being over emotional, or maybe Im just flat out WRONG!! I’ve never said that everything I do and/or say is right, by any means… but when I THINK I’m right, I will stand behing my decision and I won’t back down unless I’m proven to be wrong!!

Gimme ur feedback, Im DYING to know what u think!!



Friends vs Family… which do we choose?

Sooooo… I was just on facebook discussing FAMILY with my cousin (Kash Money) and it raised a question in my head.

Why do we find it so easy to abuse our FAMILY… of all people to use and abuse, why FAMILY!

Thinking about it, I would be more inclined to believe that our blood would be our very first concern.

I couldn’t be more wrong…

For some reason we (yes WE, I’m including myself) do the exact opposite in most circumstances.
Its like we believe that we can treat our loved ones and those who love us the most like shit and because they are family they HAVE to accept us back into their hearts and lives w/o question… personally, I don’t think that’s fair and its completley illogical…

What makes one person more deserving of forgiveness? Is it the blood that runs thru our veins? Not in my opinion…

I have very few “friends” and its not because of the typical “I just don’t fuck with females” mentality that most (dumb) bitches claim to have. (When in most cases its really because females just don’t fuck with them)

I don’t have many friends because I choose my friends wisely… I don’t choose according to who they may be, or what they may have or who they know… I’m friends with people who are TRUE friends. Unlike family, I have the opportunity to CHOOSE who I’m friends with and I don’t take that lightly being that when family fails… I look to my friendships.

However, this doesn’t give us the right to mistreat or misuse and/or abuse our family… they have no choice as to who may be in their bloodlines… but they do still have the option to kick your ass to the curb. I don’t mean any harm but frankly… i can see myself saying FUCK FAMILY in the future. Not because I don’t care about my family, but because I DO care about myself.

I refuse to keep letting people bring me down, whether it be family, friend, or foe…
like Weezy said… Fuck em… Fuck em LONG, Fuck em HARD, Fuck em ALL!

Till next time…

I’m still learning…

I’ve been taking a (much needed) break from social media sites and really, the internet in a whole. My bestfriend asked me yesterday, what exactly made me decide to just “cut everyone off” like that…

First of all, I’d like to say that I haven’t cut ANYONE off, I just wanted a break… a break from everyone coming to ME with their problems and concerns and I in turn am left with a heavy heart for days sometimes because of the strife some of my “friends” endure.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE helping people with their problems and issues, This is not the reason I need a break…

When the tables are turned, and I am the one in need of a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen… Noone seems to be around!!  When I reach out to those who are supposed to be my “friends” my cries are not heard, my hand not held…

I’ve been left alone for the last time!! 

I made the decision this time…  and I decided to take care of ME!

 and I must say, I’m happy I did so… The past two weeks have been productive (to say the least) and restful (mentally and physically)! Two things I needed in my life and I NEVER thought I’d get (at the same time). 

Thankyou to everyone whose reached out via email, facebook, etc.  although I may not have replied, I have recieved your messages, and I do still love  you all very deeply!! I do have a new phone number and will be contacting those who I think need to have it.



Mr Nice Guy:  Soft spoken, Introverted, Chivalrous, Naive (or appearing to be so),  Respectful, Not always the most fun…  But still THINKIN W/ HIS DICK JUST LIKE THE REST OF EM!

 ::Everyone seems to think the “Nice Guy” finishes last… I wanna (hop on the bandwagon and say… they’re right) In most cases, women are looking for an adventure. A lot of the time we are exiting a relationship and looking for someone or something to take our mind off of it. In other cases, We had a bad boy and we WANT to try something different (key word WANT), but our adventurous nature just WONT let us fall for that “Nice Guy”.

In no way am I saying that this is the RIGHT mentality… but I’m just letting yall know what goes thru (some) women’s head.

Mr Nice Guy, if you want a woman that’ll peak your interest… the type of woman you always dreamt about turning you out. You’re going to have to step your game up!! Be more adventurous, Stop agreeing with EVERYTHING she says, Stop holding her DAMN purse while she tries on clothes… (Its the little things) Say “HELL NO WOMAN!” and you’ll have a better chance of getting your dick sucked in the dressing room (Im not saying that’ll happen, but you’d have a better chance)

Mr. Brokenhearted: Whiny, Puppy dog eyes, Often says things like “Ive been hurt, but I haven’t given up on love”, ALWAYS cosigning women they wanna fuck, Appearing to be scorned and sullen.  But still THINKIN W/ HIS DICK JUST LIKE THE REST OF EM!

::Okay, Mr broken hearted… we get the picture, You’ve been hurt! You obviously didnt do ANYTHING wrong in your past relationship, she just was a horrid bitch that ruined your life and left you hurt and melancoly and ready to slit your wrist… THAT IS, OF COURSE UNTIL YOU GET THIS SYMPATHY PUSSY!! *side eye*

I’m noone’s fool, and even if I were a fool and fell for this shit everytime a nigga stepped to me w/ this sob story… I still DON’T LIKE PUSSY unless its between two legs… and PUSSY on a man… AINT CUTE!! 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that when a man gets hurt that he’s a pussy… I’m saying that a man trying to use him being hurt as a reason for ME to be w/ him, IS A PUSSY! (clarification).

Mr Brokenhearted, if YOU want a woman that’ll nurture your poor broken soul back into shape, you need to STOP whining like a bitch about everything. The world is NOT against you, EVERYONE won’t hurt you like your last girlfriend, If you can’t seem to get over that hoe… SEEK HELP! (Professional Help… I’m NOT a counselor) *Getcha mind right*

Moving on to…

Mr Reformed Playa:  Seems extremely comfortable with EVERYTHING he’s done wrong in past relationships, Constantly expressing what a playa he USED to be, Always finding wrong in ANYTHING he does, but pretends to be working on that!! (I could go on for days) These are one of the most DECIEVING of men!!

I say they are the most decieving because, they are the ones MOST women fall for! SMH…

For some reason, women have this GOT DAMN maternal instinct and we just wanna make everything thats wrong, right again. (Smart) Men know this… and they FEED off of this shit, like flies!!

The last guy that I had a (semi) relationship with, was THIS TYPE OF DUDE!! Originally we started off as friends… (on the phone… long distance) He would tell me how he used to be such a BAD person, and how he felt SOOOOO bad about all the women he had hurt throughout his manhood!! “GOD CURSED ME W/ THESE GOOD LOOKS” *face palm*

And (my dumb ass) fell for that shit…

I was the first one, tryna help him w/ his little venture at being a better man and a better boyfriend/husband!! We were both Sagittarius’ and We had VERY similar dating patterns and thought processes, so I thought I was “feeling” him a little bit… You know, I felt where he was coming from!! SMH…

He turned out to be THE ABSOLUTE WORST!!

but he did have ONE thing right… He was a playa (just NOT reformed)

and the bad part about it is…

When it came down to that conversation we all dread, I couldn’t even say anything like “I wish you would’ve just kept it real w/ me…” (you know the typical I caught you cheating statement)

I couldn’t say it, because… He DID keep it real!!

He told  my ass how many women he had hurt, how badly he treated em… but I chose NOT to listen and I (in turn) ended up hurting MY damn SELF!!


Mr. “Reformed” Playa… you have no problem GETTING a woman, your issue lies with KEEPING her!! You already know what to do… STOP TRYNA LIVE THE SINGLE LIFE LIKE YOUR BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN ASS FRIENDS… If you want HER to settle down… Then YO ASS needs to settle down!!!

Moving on to…

Mr Emotional:   This dude here is one of the MOST annoying of them all!!! Let me explain… He seems to have women all pegged as “emotional” and he sadly thinks that we’re looking for someone who is JUST as emotional!! 

He couldn’t be more WRONG!!  That emotional CRAP is the biggest turn off, especially when its  in the very beginning of a relationship… ANY relationship, whether it be Friendship, a Sexual Relationship, or a fucking Co-worker… NOONE wants to see or hear that emotional “I love women, and Im here to save all who has suffered” BULL SHIT!!! The dude SWEARING UP AND DOWN “I don’t play games… Im a MAN… games are for kids… blah, blah, blah” 

#NIGGAPLEASE that there… is GAME!! We’ve heard it all before… TRUST ME!

Mr Emotional, if YOU really are THAT emotional, the ONLY way ur gonna get a woman to take u seriously is to keep ur EMOTIONS IN CHECK… at least until you get to know her and you have figured out that she IS the type that likes to see her man CRY at the movies and/or the type that needs to CONSTANTLY be reminded (tearfully) how much you love her, but let me just say this before I move on…






Now for…


Mr Emotionless: Seems to lack ANY form of emotion… “I Don’t Give A Fuck” is his FAVORITE phrase! But still THINKIN W/ HIS DICK LIKE THE REST OF EM!

I’ve encountered PLENTY of these men as well…  He SAYS he doesn’t give a fuck, but that really means, “EVERYTHING bothers me, and you need to walk on egg shells around me!”

These type of men like to APPEAR not to have a care in the world… They try to seem secure in themselves, but truthfully they are NOT! They are WEAK little men, that don’t have balls enough to admit when something bothers em. They’re squeemish, pussy lookin boys that have low self esteem and a false sense of security!! DON’T LET THE LIL “SWAGGER” FOOL YOU!! IT.IS.A.FACAD. Smoke and Mirrors…

These are what I refer to as POISON or JELLYBEAN niggas!!

EVERY woman wants a secure, confident man!! One that says what he means and means what he says…

Mr. Emotionless is the EXACT opposite! He will say one thing, and mean another… Often time leading you to believe that everything is cool, until you see him again, and you realize he’s on some “new shit” (that POISON).

Why Poison, you say… Because his silly games will UNDOUBTEDLY “Poison” the relationship… He will not only be the one left with regrets, but he will leave his woman thinking he’s crazy as a hell and NEVER wanting ANYTHING to do w/ him again! #POISON

Jellybean Nigga = HARD on the outside… and SOFT on the inside!!

Mr Emotionless, For the most part you have no trouble GETTING a woman either, the only difference btwn you and Mr Reformed Playa, is YOU pretend you don’t give a fuck if a woman decides she doesn’t want to be bothered. You’re the infamous “I DIDN’T WANT YOUR NUMBER ANYWAY BITCH” screaming nigga…

Yea, we’ve ALL ran across one of them… We say we’re not interested and they commence to screaming “Bitch, you aint ALLLLLLLL that anyway… HOE”

I think you know what to do to get and KEEP a woman, but you’re so caught up in NOT having feelings that you won’t let yourself be happy with one.


Of course there are PLENTY of other types of men I could discuss, but I don’t wanna give you too much info at once…



However, if you’ve dealt w/ any other type of man, Name him… and let me know!!

If you’ve dealt with any of THESE type of men… let me know!!

I’m all ears… eyes…  (and pussy)




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